Witt’s World: NYC Email Pitch Letter to Elon Musk

FILE PHOTO: Tesla CEO Musk visits the construction site of Tesla’s Gigafactory in Gruenheide near Berlin
FILE PHOTO: Tesla CEO Elon Musk Patrick Pleul/Pool via Reuters
Stephen Witt

Dear Elon Musk,

Hello from New York City! On behalf of the many New Yorkers that admire your inventive and entrepreneurial skills, please give me a few minutes of your valuable time to consider the following suggestion: That you make New York City your global sales headquarters. 

I mention this because when it comes to wheeling and dealing, we have it all. Financing. Forget about it. Wall Street has the global international banking and investor institutions, and one of the world’s fastest-growing cyber currency and FinTech sectors to boot. And after you get the financing network set up with all the world’s banks, you can take the subway uptown for the best marketing and advertising companies, and in every language, that money can buy.

Have problems with the politicians in Washington? Not to worry. We’re part of the DC beltway. Our public relations people can spin gold from yarn. Lobbying firms are practically our middle name. They are friends with everybody who’s anybody and can find loopholes in the Gordian Knot.

Now I know what you may be thinking, ‘New York City is great but so is the downside. It’s heavily taxed and the progressives are running buck wild. They actually ran Bezos out of town before he even got his feet on the ground.’ 

True, but I know people at City Hall and I can talk to them. They are all about business. Say the word, and I’ll make the call. I’m sure if we all brainstorm a bit, we can figure a way to, how can you say, neutralize the progressives. As for the taxes, I admit the buy-in is steep, but if you want to sit at the table with the international players and cut deals with the high rollers you need to be where the action is. 

And imagine for a second, the winnings. Thousands of Chinese, German, Russian, British and other people from around the world driving Teslas in their home country. Visualize countries taking out cargo contracts with SpaceX, and space tourists from around the world buying package deals. Maybe we can even arrange for a launch pad on some desolate spot right off the Atlantic Ocean. 

So what do you say? Take a bite out of the Big Apple. How can we make this happen Mr. Musk?

 If you have any questions or need any more information, please feel free to reach out as I’m an email away. 

Thank you so much for your time, 

Stephen Witt

NYC Columnist

 

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