New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Andrew Cuomo have been snipping at and arguing with each other since 2014. Many people think this poor working relationship inures to the detriment of New Yorkers everywhere. Both de Blasio and Cuomo have repeatedly refused to meet with each other privately or in public to jointly discuss the relevant issues–issues that affect millions of people.
There is a way to make this bad situation better for New York. Let’s put Bill “the Brawler” de Blasio and Andrew “the Haymaker” Cuomo in a boxing ring for 10 rounds and permit them to work thru their differences. And to add a tantalizing twist, they should duke it out in tong underwear because to quote Bob Dylan, “Sometimes even the president of the United States has to stand naked.” Let’s call it “The Battle of New York”.
The two political gladiators are relatively the same age and weight. While it’s true the lanky de Blasio has a clear height advantage and can better work his powerful jab, Cuomo will look to get on the inside and test de Blasio’s chin with his powerful hooks and his overhand right.
We could get Barclays Center to host this political fight of the year. Cuomo, with authority over the New York State Athletic Commission could get them to sanction the bout; Maimonides Medical Center could provide the medical staff for medical supervision over the contestants. De Blasio, with authority over the Off Track Betting (OTB) could get them to take online bets for picking the winner. Let’s get Brooklyn Boro President Eric L. Adams to sing the National Anthem; and New York City Public Advocate Letitia James could sing “I love New York”. Let’s have Congressman Hakeem Jeffries serve as the ring announcer and have Congressmember Nydia Velasquez and City Councilmember Antonio Reynoso translate the fight for the Spanish language media. And, we should call upon Assemblymember Dov Hikind to translate the fight for the Yiddish and Hebrew speaking viewers.
Then we pick acting District Attorney Eric Gonzalez to be the referee. Retired Congressman and now Reverend Edolphus Towns can provide the Opening Prayer, and Kings County Politics Publisher Stephen Witt can do the color commentary.
One thing is for certain this “Battle of New York” is sure to generate tens of millions of dollars in profits and that is when the real fight begins. The most important question to be answered before the fight is who would get the money and how would ticket sales be handled and profits disbursed.
For that, let’s form a Profits Review Commission consisting of District Leader Geoffrey A. Davis, Assemblymembers Charles Barron, Joe Lentol, Tremaine Wright, JoAnn Simon and Walter T. Mosley, Congresswoman Yvette Clarke, State Senator Roxanne Persaud, State Comptroller Tom DiNapoli and City Comptroller Scott Stringer. Finally, New York State Attorney General Eric T. Sneiderman would be placed in charge of certifying all legal documents and procedures are in order.
There is no shortage of worthy charitable causes that can benefit from the “The Battle of New York” net receipts. Certainly the MTA, feeding the homeless, aiding senior citizens and stop the violence programs are atop the list.
We can not be certain a boxing match would improve the working relationship between Mayor de Blasio and Governor Cuomo but at least we could raise money for worthy causes. And to sweeten the pot, we can have an undercard featuring Assemblywoman Nicole “The Cuban-Greek Dynamo” Malliotakis lace up the gloves against City Council Speaker Melissa “The Puerto Rican She Woman” Mark-Viverito.