Stumpy Wagers Drinks To Decadence


“Look on the bright side of things,” said my good friend and fellow pundit Stumpy Wagers, knocking back a Jamison. “A Trump presidency will at least bring back a little pertinent social decadence.”

“Social decadence huh,” I slurred. “Pray tell, explain yourself.”

It was nearly two in the morning, and we were having our third nightcap at Denny’s Pub on Church Avenue in Kensington.

“That Barack and Michelle Obama were always a little too perfect a narrative. The perfect couple. The perfect two kids. The shining example of a successful black marriage after several hundred years of slavery where America decimated black families by cruelly selling off and separating husbands from their wives and mothers from their children.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, but my artistic tastes runs darker and deeper than Hollywood endings. And that was the trouble with art under Obama. Full of well-meaning social constructs, but also full of the American puritanical past and mediocre at best. Political correctness have never been good for the arts.”

“So you think the Trump Administration will be better for the arts?”

The Stump man burped and followed it with a long fart. “Let me ask you something. I’ve seen you flirt with many a black woman who walks into this bar. Have you ever fantasized about how Michelle would be in the hay, and more importantly, do you think her and Barack do oral?”

“I, er never really thought about it, but now that you mention it, Michelle is kind of hot…”

“Well, you won’t have that problem with Donald Trump and his six wives and 20 children.”

“I think it’s three wives and six children…”

“Whatever. My point is after seeing the First Lady-elect’s lesbian photo spread there isn’t much left to the imagination. Speaking of which, did you ever wonder if Mayor de Blasio and his wife, Chirlane, who goes every which way, have ever done threesomes?”

“Now that you mention it, the mayor often does look very happy,” I said.

“And have you seen the size of his hands,” added Stumpy.

“I get your x-rated point Stumpy, but that’s hardly a silver lining to Trump being elected president.”

“Sure it is. It’s a wakeup call to all the people who wanted a fairy tale ending to the Obama administration. What they didn’t realize is that Trump’s win was just a new beginning.”

“Yes, but a beginning of what?”

“The age of decadence, and a return of art with more bite than bark. Come on, my friend, let’s drink to it. Let me buy you a nightcap.”

“You mean our fourth nightcap,” I said, draining my vodka and soda, and collecting my dollars left on the bar save for a tip. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Suit yourself,” said Stump, motioning the barkeeper for another Jameson. “But in the words of the immortal Hunter S. Thompson, ‘I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.'”

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