Amazon Buys Park Slope Food Coop
AMAZON (AMZN), a Seattle based tech company, has purchased the Park Slope Food Co-Op for an undisclosed amount.
“This is a good pickup for Amazon” says Sanjit Ranapalaman, an analyst with Credit Suisse.
The purchase comes as Amazon is continuing to look into more retail food distributors, and they are always eager to add more unpaid labor to their workforce, which is probably the Food Coop’s most attractive quality. The Park Slope Food Co-Op has over 10,000 members who each supply approximately 3 hours of free labor per month.
Arnhelm Visconti, a spokesperson for Amazon said that the Food Co-op’s “model of volunteer labor just made sense in the Amazon context”
He added “Who needs to worry about micro tracking our employees’ movements when they are working for free!”
When asked if the buyout would affect the day to day feel of the Food Co-Op, Visconti demurred. “Of course there will be some slight modifications. For example, we will be replacing our human workers at the Park Slope store with our top of the line hyper intelligent warehouse robots from Kiva Systems. Our robots can interface with human customers and can even show all of the emotions one typically encounters with a human Food Co-op volunteer: annoyance, confusion, indifference, lethargy and self-loathing. “
Visconti also added that volunteer schedules are likely to modestly change. Instead of a monthly 3 hour shift, Amazon will change duties to quarterly nine hour shifts in their distribution warehouse in Breinigsville PA. Volunteers will board a complimentary Amazon bus at 6am to arrive in time for a 9am work start and will be dropped off slightly after 9pm back at the Co-Op. Visconti also assured investors that volunteers would not be haphazardly injected into their highly tuned warehouse supply chain system, but would mainly be engaged in “cleaning out the backs of our trucks”.
Ranapalaman estimates that Co-Op workers can save Amazon upwards of $36,000 per fiscal quarter. Dan Williams from Barclays also thought the buy was “good in the long term” for Amazon, though he did think there was a possible downside in “bringing highly educated urban elites to warehouses filled with marginalized and exploited workers” leading to “demands for living wages” and possible “work stoppages”. But ultimately, volunteers are just volunteers, once they are done with their shift they will “buy a bunch of granola and cheap blue cheese” and go home. Amazon shares were trading down $227 on news of the buyout.
Sex And The City Star Willie Garson Announces Congressional Run Against Hakeem Jeffries
Fresh off the heels of Cynthia Nixon’s announcement that she will run for Governor of New York, Sex and The City star Willie Garson announced today that he will run for the 8th congressional district in November.
Speaking from a small podium inside a Popeye’s on Fulton Avenue in Bedford Stuyvesant, Garson, who played Stanford Blatch on the series, spoke emphatically for the need for change in Washington, and how he was the best person to get things done. Garson repeatedly criticized Jeffries as a Washington insider to a crowd of about five people waiting in line on a Friday afternoon.
Garson may seem like a political neophyte, but not so says Variety Magazine politics analyst Sheila Nussbaum.
“People have this idea that SATC was a vapid glorification of fashion obsessed women living in the bubble of Manhattan, but not so. It was a very radical show. Darren (Star) saw the whole series as a cautionary tale on the dangerous excesses of neoliberalism,” said Nussbaum.
“According to Nussbaum, the SATC set was a hotbed of political activism: actors sat around in trailers smoking and discussing the Frankfort School and arguing over the future of the New Left. By Season 5 most actors, with the exception of (Ron) Livingston and (Mario) Cantone had come to the agreement that direct political action was the only way forward, and that they would start to run for local office to help break the chains of the capitalist tyranny.
KCP has exclusively learned that Garson and Nixon are not the only former SATC actors running for office this year. Kim Catrall has formed an exploratory committee to run against State Assemblyman William Colton, Kyle MacLachlan has been taking to Twitter to bash State Senator Charles Barron in preparation for a run, and finally Chris Noth has hired the PR firm of Rabinowitz and Levin in an effort to oust State Sen. Simcha Felder next November.
Male Porn Star Tony Danielo claims “Affair” with Assemblywoman Malliotakis
Amateur porn star and Staten Island native Tony Danielo claims to have had an affair with New York State Assemblywoman Nicole Malliotakis in 2005. Below is a partial the transcript of the interview Danielo made with Staten Island Cable Access Television this Sunday.
TV: Where did you meet Ms. Malliotakis?
TD: I was workin’ at a male strip club over on Hylan Boulevard called The Dump. Lots of women suits would come in. Lots of Board of Ed. Id say it was mainly Board of Ed woman, probably 90 percent of the clientele were elementary school teachers.
TV: Ok, and you met Ms. Malliotakis there?
TD: Yeah probably. I mean I definitely met someone that looked like her. Its hard to tell, this is Staten Island you know? Women kind of dress the same.
TV: And you say you had an affair? You understand Ms. Malliotakis is single so do you mean to say you had a consensual sexual relationship with her?
TD: Ah, lets just stick with affair. I had an affair with her
TV: That’s impossible.
TD: Whateva!
TV: Mr. Danielo, you have a questionable track record. You were removed from your job as a toll booth operator on the Goethals Bridge in 2013. Can you shed light on that incident?
TD: I was giving out promotional material
TV: To cars?
TD: Yeah
TV: What kind of promotional material?
TD: Mainly my DVDS.
TV: Such as?
TD: Breakfast at Tony’s, The Tony Awards, Jersey City Does Tony…
TV: That’s understandable you would lose your job over that.
TD: Well I wouldn’t be where I am today making porno movies and living the dream. Also, I forgot to tell you that I was paid off by one of Ms. Malliotakis’ associates
TV: How so?
TD: This guy comes up to me at a pizzeria in New Dorp, I order a Calzone, he recognizes me. He says he went to high school with Malliotakis, he says- hey buddy, you better lay off her. You don’t want nothing to happen to you. Here’s the Calzone.
TV: So he threatened you and then gave you a Calzone?
TD: As payoff, well. To be honest I don’t know if he gave me the Calzone, or I just walked away with it and forgot to pay.
TV: Mr Danielo I’m getting the sense that you’ve never met Ms. Malliotakis and you have concocted this story as a cheap publicity stunt.
TD: GO TO TonyDanielo.com ONLY MALE PORN STAR FROM STATEN ISLAND PEACE OUT!!
TV: So that’s a yes?
TD: Sure. You look familiar- ever been to The Dump?
