“Some political pundit you are, Stumpy,” I said, taking a gulp of beer at Denny’s Pub on Church and McDonald Avenue. “You’ve barely written me a lick and I pay $15 a story for your views on the issues of the day. What? You win the lottery or something?”
My good friend and fellow journalist, Stumpy Wagers, finished his drink, belched and motioned the bartender for another. “Not that I don’t want to,” he replied. “It’s just I decided to can the journalism racket and go into the respectable real estate business.”
“Real estate?”
“Sure. Real estate to New York City is like oil to Texas. Lot of money in Brooklyn real estate, my friend.”
I took a deep gulp from my beer. “So what kind of real estate is striking your fancy?” I said.
“Libraries. It’s a booming business right now, especially after the city council approved the sale of the Brooklyn Heights branch and the Sunset Park branch is ready to close. Figure it’s a gold rush. I got my eyes on the Park Slope branch as we speak.”
“Selling the Park Slope Library branch might be a heavy lift.”
“Heavy lift, shemvy hift! It’s choice real estate in one of Brooklyn’s highest priced neighborhoods. Figure it will fetch a fortune for the cash-strapped Brooklyn library system, and I’m sure the local City Councilman Brad Lander won’t mind. He’s one of the driving forces behind the Cadman Plaza and Sunset Park branch sales. A real progressive that Lander is.”
Maybe so, Stumpy, but he’s pretty close with the Friends Of the Park Slope Library organization. This week he even allocated a few hundred thousand dollars for a community reading garden on the property.”
“Not a problem,” he said. “I got this developer ready to buy the property, build a 10-story condo on the site and he’ll give the bottom two stories back to the library with a state-of-the-art reading garden in the back at no extra cost.”
“What about affordable housing? Brad Lander is the Council’s poster child for progressive politics. He’d never go for that without some affordable housing component,” I said.
“Got that figured out, too,” replied Stumpy. “The developer will build affordable housing offsite in Kensington, which is also part of Brad Lander’s district. Mainly immigrants in that neighborhood. They’ll be none the wiser for it. He’s been pushing a homeless shelter there within spitting distance of two elementary schools and the progressives are already falling over themselves with the welcome mat.”
“Sounds like you got it all figured out, Stumpy, but I’ll certainly miss your political punditry.”
Stumpy Wager took a gulp of his freshly delivered vodka and cranberry, and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his winter coat.
“Don’t you worry. I’ll get back to journalism once the sale goes through,” he said. “But I got to strike while the iron’s hot and the Park Slope Library property is hotter than a stack of books lit up at Fahrenheit 451.”
