April Fool’s Day Edition
Editors Note: Due to technical difficulties, today’s morning lawmakers on the move post is late. Also note while this post honors April Fools Day, the rest of the day’s posts will adhere to traditional KCP journalistic guidelines.
Cuomo Bans Indiana Cultural Icons
In the wake of the Indiana religious freedom law that discriminates against the LBGT community, Governor Andrew Cuomo, today, extended New York’s travel ban to the state to include all cultural icons from Indiana.
“Nobody in New York State is allowed to read Kurt Vonnegut or listen to Jackson Five music until the law is repealed,” said Cuomo in a statement. “While we understand Vonnegut’s books may have literary value as satire, we find the constant references in his work to being a Hoosier and pride in coming from Indiana reprehensible.”
Cuomo said while music lovers can’t listen to any Jackson Five music because the group hails from Gary, Indiana, New York residents are encouraged to still listen to Michael Jackson music because “he is after all – Michael Jackson.” It’s also still legal to like David Letterman because he left Indiana and contributed greatly to the New York economy by hosting the Tonight Show in Manhattan, he said.
Also listed under the cultural ban are John Mellencamp and the Notre Dame football team.
Barron Throws Out Welcome Mat for White People
Assemblyman Charles Barron, yesterday, said his East New York district needs more white people and that his office will personally work to find market rate housing for white hipsters in the neighborhood.
“Black residents in the district that have lived here for generations through good and bad times have to look at being priced out of the neighborhood as a good thing because it allows us to truly feel the meaning of exploitation,” said Barron, adding that more white privilege is desperately needed to keep the playing field as lopsided as possible.
“The thing that white people don’t know about me is I love country music and whenever Inez (his wife City Council member Inez Barron) and I quarrel we always make up by playing some Brad Paisley and two-stepping in the living room,” said Barron.
Hikind, Sarsour Break Pitas in Bay Ridge
Borough Park Assemblyman Dov Hikind and Palestinian Muslim American activist Linda Sarsour, last week, enjoyed dinner at an undisclosed Bay Ridge Middle Eastern restaurant that was both strictly Kosher and Halal.
“Say what you will about Palestinians, but they makes absolutely the best falafels and hummas this side of Jerusalem,” said Hikind. “The Arab and Palestinian community of Bay Ridge is vibrant and growing and I welcome them with open arms as a fellow Brooklynite just as I envision a Palestinian state side-by-side with Israel.”
Sarsour said a vacation to to the Tel Aviv beaches is at the top of her to-do vacation list.
“Just the very thought of a vibrant Israel warms my heart,” said Sarsour, adding she also loves to shop along 13th Avenue in Borough Park.
Lander Admits He voted for Bush
Park Slope City Councilman Brad Lander acknowledged last week that he twice voted for George W. Bush for president.
“That’s right, I voted for Bush and I’m proud of it,” said a testy Lander when asked about it by a reporter. “I just really liked his down home and folksy qualities.”
Lander, who heads the Council’s progressive caucus, said he also supports Ronald Reagan’s trickle down theory of economics.
“It’s just plain common sense that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer,” he said.
